Saturday, April 23, 2011

Identity crisis!

I seem to be in sort of middle of an identity crisis here. I cannot at all decide where I am from. I feel Seattle is home and sight Starbucks brings feeling of 'home'. But then I can never identify myself with US, that will always be in India. But in some sense, I am lot more used to lifestyle in US and when comparing things, I always compare them with US. I have very little idea of current Indian lifestyle. But then culturally, I still feel much closer to Indian culture and nothing for US culture (if there is such thing as culture there!). Of course I feel some connection to Indian folks on street, but then if I find a Seattlite, I am sure I will feel even stronger connection with them, but rest of US, I don't care.

Don't even talk about telling people where I am from! I thought in US when visiting other places I had problems defining that, but its twice as worse here. Do I tell that I am from Seattle / US or do I tell that I am from India which I left 9 years ago. People around me get majorly confused by my answers.

If I say I am from US, they get confused as I definitely look Indian. And I do not exactly speak like a ABCD.

If I tell them I am from India, it works mostly. But it gets confusing soon when I start telling Seattle stories. Or when I say 25C is too hot and I can't tolerate sun. Then I have to explain I have been living in a cave for 6 years. And I have been told more than once that I speak english with an american accent! how dare they! Maybe they just don't know where to place my accent and dump it on America :)

So now I have settled on -
Where are you from?
"I have been living in Seattle, US for long time."
If they want more details - "I was in Seattle for 6 years"
Rest they can assume. If they don't look at me and realize I am of Indian origin, I don't know what's wrong with them and I can't help it!
If they are still interested, I can open the book of my life and tell them all about where I grew up, how I went to CA, then Seattle and then NY in between. Well, they asked for it, I have a complicated life! It has not happened yet :)

Also people seem very interested in why I am in Zurich. I did not come directly from India. I was living in US, a very comfortable life. And I have nobody here, and I did not go to school here. So what the hell am I doing in Zurich. Mostly I have settled on "I wanted to move from Seattle and Zurich is one of the few places which qualify as upgrade in natural beauty"
... or some version of it depending on how good their english is. Most people just agree.
Sometimes I say that I had hiked in most areas around Seattle, so needed a new place. But that is so not true! But partly also true. I was feeling less excited about trails around Seattle. You cannot beat the great views (I am doubting that even Switzerland can beat it), and the idea of hiking will always remain exciting in itself. But in some sense 4 out of 5 places seemed 'seen' or 'familiar'. I had stopped taking pictures and hiking just for the fun of it. Here on the first hike, I could not stop taking pictures. Even though it was not the untouched mountain slopes you see in Seattle, but it was new and different. I do miss getting out into places with no cars or human civilization, just the hikers out there to enjoy nature.

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